No filter, baby …
Photo: Distilled Studios, Chris Scalzi
We've all seen social media posts showering women “of a certain age” with heaps of Aging “Gracefully” praise. I’m all for the celebration of aging. But I've got a problem when there is only good news. ‘Cause it ain’t true. Enough with posts of stunning ex-models and their manes of thick silver locks and their bravery for natural. Oh shut up. We know about changes in memory, joints, skin, balance, turkey necks. But I've had a few surprises! Jane Fonda warned us of some of this …. But mama told me nothin' … Let's get real about the good, the bad, and the ugly …
THE GOOD
1. Not giving a fuck: This is truth. Who am I trying to impress? The bad is that it didn’t happen three decades earlier.
2. Self Delusion: It’s delicious. When I looked at this portrait of myself, I blamed the (a) lighting (b) makeup (c) wrong angle. Eventually, I embraced the real ass me — mwah!
3. I can do anything: ANYTHING. Who’d thought there would be a chapter AFTER the (traditional) “Over the Hill” phase. But there is …
4. Horny: This was weird. Some women love the freedom to put the sex train behind them. My truth looks more like a thirteen-year-old horndog.
5. No shaving! (except for nose hairs) (and chin hairs) (and the 'stache)
THE BAD
1. Blind as a bat: It sucks. On the other hand, it complements No. 2 Self Delusion above.
2. Make time for fitness: 'Cause it takes WAY more time with each decade. I'm currently at 1.5 hours/day in my 6th decade. Sorry ladies!
3. Need to pee: Constantly.
4. Time anxiety: This is a big one. I'm packed with ideas — please don't let me drop dead before completing half of them.
5. Sleep. What sleep?
THE UGLY
1. Jimmy Durante in the mirror: Your nose, your ears and your fucking feet ALL continue to grow. I haven't sprouted fur yet. Always the optimist.
2. Stench: Now immediately after a shower I wreak within 5 minutes — this needs to change. Other women ditch their deodorant. It's a body chemistry/menopause thing. Surprise!
3. Little nasty thingeys: Suddenly dangling in areas you didn’t expect. Oy.
4. Baldness: Yes ladies hair loss at the crown is not just for fellas, unforch.
Of course it rocks to get older — but it's liberating to get real and drop the bullshit that every moment is Instagram-ready. Some of what I've seen is a fucking horror show — when I can find my glasses. What's the Good/Bad/Ugly you've found with aging? Do tell.