I think I’m pullin’ off classic cool here …
Catapulting our way into a new decade, I've been reflecting on what we — what I — can leave behind. “I am tired of being ‘cool’” — I told my sister recently. And she thought that was funny. But hey, of course I still wanna be classic cool — the perfect shades, the must have black — but the little things I used to give a shit about that I don’t any more. Like — cool buzzwords. So many tired. It's 2020 and we don't need to make space for ageist/sexist/transphobic lingo. BS. My picks for buzzwords to DUMP in 2020 — and what to SWAP:
DUMP:
SENIOR
This word always makes me so sad. Especially when I use it. And I do use it motherfuckers — to get my discounts, haaayy.
SWAP:
GEEZERS
At least we’d all laugh. And don't they use this in the UK? Then again, they use the "c" word....
DUMP:
MS. / MISS / MRS.
WHY are we still using this horseshit for women? None of your business. And all “men” get to be Mr.?
SWAP:
BEYOND GENDER
Just stop asking for our genders in forms. How about that?
DUMP:
EMPOWERMENT
We've spent the last two decades cultivating our feelings — it's not enough.
SWAP:
ACTIVATION
It's time we all get activated, for the earth, for the election, for people of color, for trans and nonbinary folx — it's not just about feeling it's about DOING.
DUMP:
HUGE
Sadly, this word is ruined forever.
SWAP:
Nothing to swap — we all agree that size doesn't matter right? Unless you have weirdly tiny hands — in that case, hard pass
DUMP:
“MATURE” — women’s department in retail
Is there a “mature” men’s department? — look, it applies above and it applies here. What can I say? We live in a misogynist shit show.
SWAP:
CRONE
You want mature? I'll give you really really “mature” — we are taking this word BACK, and taking back Crone Power.
CLASSIC
There, I gave you two.
DUMP:
BADASS
Hey, I use it myself, but it’s tired tired tired. In 2020, who are these badass iconoclasts we're even talking about? Badass tattoos? We've all got them. Badass hair color? You can get in it in the mall. OVUH …
SWAP:
COOL AF
You know ‘em when you see ‘em. A person who emits the world of effortless cooooooool — basking in the simple pleasures of breathing, eating, fucking, being. Like the ladies on Glorious Broads — the real deal — Cool AF
DUMP:
WOMEN OF A CERTAIN AGE
What age are we talking about here? The certain age you're gonna turn, too, someday? Go fuck yourselves.
SWAP:
OWNING AGE
Whatever your number, we don't need to be cutesy about dancing around it. I'm sixty-seven. And I rock. See how easy that was?
DUMP:
FEARLESS
Oh please — who the fuck is REALLY fearless? Maybe crazy people like Evel Knievel or Houdini — and look where that got ‘em. I’m media’d out with this word myself, from Mercedes to (all) Beauty Companies to Cosmo: Kill me.
SWAP:
FACE FEAR.
I admit it lacks the BLING of fearless but, indulge me. I am presently in deep women’s crush mode (again) with Debbie Harry and her new book FACE IT. For most of us not trying to jump canyons or escape from underwater straightjackets, it's not about the ABSENCE of fear, it's about dealing with it. So, deal already. And FACE FEAR.
DUMP:
MAAAAM
Can we just put this to bed. WTF is the male equivalent? That’s right. There is none.
SWAP:
FRIEND
Ain't it good to know you've got a friend? You've gotta have ... friends. I would SO MUCH rather be friended than ma'amed. Bonus: Gender neutral.
DUMP:
INVISIBLE
Invisibility is a choice.
SWAP:
STAND OUT
Be you. Do you. And It's never too late baby.
DUMP:
AWESOME.
Like, no. Unless it's Beyoncé.
SWAP:
INTERESTING
This gives us the balance to more accurately reflect our current Uber nuanced reality. Ya know? Like, Is your almond milk awesome? Where was it sourced? What additives are lurking? What about the water and pesticide use where the almonds were grown? It's... interesting.
DUMP:
REEFER MADNESS
Who's afraid of the big bad pot?
SWAP:
CANNABIS COUTURE
Whether CBD or THC, there's plenty of plant-based medicine to cure what ails ya. We love the glamour and product line of Her Highness . And we’re not being paid for this mention y’all … it’s just glorious — and highly enjoyable.
DUMP:
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX
I get flashbacks of nightmare corporate meetings. Thirty years is enough of this bullshit.
SWAP:
GET INSIDE MY BOX
Sorry. Had to channel Robin Byrd here. Hi Robin, you Glorious Broad you!
GOT ANY YOU WANT TO ADD?