Cunni-Language: New Words for a New World

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By Maryjane Fahey and Corey Root

Now that we’ve just lost our last woman candidate, mama needs to rant. It’s waaaay overdue to get past the gendered horseshittery that pervades our culture — even down to our words. We hooted and hollered when our beloved Speaker of the House ripped up the SOTU. YESSSSSSS. But where are the words to describe St. Nancy? Ballsy? Clitsy?? What do we do about these dude/male/manly words with no female equivalent? We are here to demand some LADY LANGUAGE ...

  1. THEY HAVE: BDE — Big Dick Energy

    WE NEED: We love Liz Plank's BIG UTERUS ENERGY … You betcha.

  2. THEY HAVE: Cocky
    WE NEED: Yonitude, attitude for your yoni. Strut that stuff, mama, you ARE all that

  3. THEY HAVE: Man Up
    WE NEED: Pussy Power — as Dan Savage tells us regularly, it's pussys that are strong and scrotum that are vulnerable and weak, let's get our language in line with reality already

  4. THEY HAVE: Ballsy
    WE NEED: Clitsy? We can all agree that clits have it over balls every day

  5. THEY HAVE: Grow a Pair
    WE NEED: We're still leaning in with Sheryl Sandberg — minus the part where Facebook steals our data and elections…

6. THEY HAVE: Balls to the Wall
WE NEED: No replacement, let's just stop saying this

7. THEY HAVE: Hooters Restaurants
WE NEED: Schlongs? Or a menu of sausages and waiters in banana hammocks …
Or maybe O'Nutters would be better?

PREACH AMY! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zYBA1GQf5WQ

And sure, there are no MALE equivalents of phrases like mistress, frigid, or on the rag, but we'll use our pussy power on larger issues. Cheers to your vulva!!!