King of her kingdom
ALL PHOTOS: HEATHER KOEPP
Hotness in the fridge at her studio lot …
Leila Barratt-Denyer is completely her unapologetic self — and the absolute opposite of her "breeding." A Persian brought up in WASPy England — she ditched her Laura Ashleys for androgynous hotness Eileen Myles-style when she landed in NYC. A long time pal and paramour in our rather rich past, Leila, at 50, is still constructing her throne of gloriousness. It's been a winding road — searching for what she was, fearlessly facing her demons to become a loving partner, mother, and owner of one of the leading photo and film studios in LA, Electric Pony with her long time friend, Jen Berkowitz. And she did it on her own and on her own terms. From being insecure about her talents to — get the hell out of my way — she's worked her ass off. Here's to amazing transformations ... and oh … NEVER underestimate the power of menopause …
GLORIOUS PROFESSION: Trainer Cum Barrister Cum Photographer Cum Studio BOSS
GLORIOUS PERSONA: Head Turner, Late Bloomer, Straight Talker (if not Straight...)
GLORIOUS QUALITIES: Raconteur, Motorcycle Mama, Plucky Survivor
GLORIOUS PHILOSOPHY:
“I’m living my dream — not anybody else’s dream anymore.”
DID YOU KNOW YOU WERE GAY AT 16?
I knew I was a dyke at 6
… bed hopping at my all girls boarding school …
OOOO LA LA …
My girlfriends were Charlotte, Tiffany, Bunny. I was the baba ganoush among the wonder bread
(we laugh)
WAS THAT THE BEST TIME OF YOUR LIFE?
Ha. This moment right now is pretty amazing.
WHY’S THAT?
This studio is mine, girl. I’m living my dream — not anybody else’s dream anymore.
And there’s been more failures then successes. Trust me.
NOT THAT LONG AGO WHEN I WAS HERE, YOU HAD THIS BIG WIG JOB WORKING FOR DA MAN …
I got this fat corporate job when I moved to LA and said: Finally, America accepts me — because that’s always been my struggle: “They let me in …”
And then they fired my ass.
AND HERE WE ARE: ANOTHER RESTART …
I’ve had a life of restarts.
RESILIENCE …
I’m a survivor. I’ve been lookin’ for home my whole life. My Mom’s Persian. Step dad’s English. Born in Iran, grew up in England. Part time France. Schooled in Australia. Taught preschool in Germany …
DID YOU SAY TAUGHT PRESCHOOL — LIKE MARY POPPINS?
More like Lady Di. My parents were like — oh, you need to be a preschool teacher like Lady Diana — that would be so fabulous … poor things …
OH MY …
When we moved to England, we’d go back to Iran every summer to see my aunts, uncles, grandmother — my family — but that all stopped after the revolution. Traumatic. That whole part of my blood — cut off …
THEN YOU WERE ALWAYS “THE OUTSIDER?”
I didn’t fit in in England. It’s racist, classist. It wasn’t me. I got to New York — and that was my town.
SO NO FEAR OF BEING ALONE …
Even with my partner and my kid — I do feel alone in the world — sometimes. I think it’s a fact I grew up with. I mean, I went to boarding school at 5 … gimme a break …
HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU CAME TO AMERICA?
22
ANY DESIRE TO BE 20 AGAIN?
Yeah. My tits were great. (laughs)
HAS HAPPINESS CHANGED FOR YOU AS YOU GET OLDER?
Yeah. I’m miserable now. The older I get, the more miserable I am.
WAIT! YOU JUST TOLD ME THIS WAS ONE OF THE BEST TIMES OF YOUR LIFE.
This is the best time of my life. But I am in full blown MENOPAUSE. It’s a huge emotional shift I was not prepared for. I’m angry. AAAAAAAANGRY. And this was not me …
HMMMM, THIS ISN’T VERY GLORIOUS FOR MY MISSION …
You and I talked about menopause when you went through it. We both know… it’s a bitch.
WELL, I WAS SAD FOR 5 YEARS. IT COST ME MY RELATIONSHIP. BUT I THINK I’D PREFER BEING ANGRY TO SAD AND CRAZY. BUT I DID NOT PREPARE FOR MENOPAUSE — I DIDN’T UNDERSTAND WHAT WAS HAPPENING. AND WE ALL NEED TO — ‘CAUSE IT’S A WILD-ASS ROLLER COASTER RIDE …
It’s a monster ….
WHAT’S PARENTHOOD BROUGHT YOU? THE GOOD NEWS AND THE BAD NEWS.
Good: My daughter makes me want to be a better person.
Bad: I’m super conscious of not making the mistakes my parents did. But it conjures up a lot of emotional feelings about my childhood. It’s stirring the pot.
WHAT’S GETTING STIRRED?
You know “The Jungle Book?” I’m Mowgli, the little boy in the cartoon. I brought myself up … I’m dealing with those resentments now …
DO YOU TELL YOUR AGE?
Sure. I mean, nobody’s really asking — (we laugh) — what with MENOPAUSE …
DO YOU BELIEVE IN EXPIRATION DATES — FOR CAREER, LOVE, LOOKS, SEX …
No — my career really started in my mid 40’s. As for my looks, I used to look like Gina Gershon, now I look like Sylvester Stallone. Oh well. But my sex drive is not as good as it used to be … to say the least …
MENOPAUSE!
“From Gina Gershon to Sly Stallone.” Leila said that. We prefer the comfortable in her own skin version — SLY!
WHY LA LA LAND FOR YOU NOW?
A lot of Persians live here. It’s pretty nice living. I visited my pal/now studio partner in November, hanging around the pool in a bikini ... picking kumquats. I could be a motorcyle mama 12 months a year. It planted a seed …
NY’S ABOUT THE CULTURE. BUT YOU WERE WORKING TOO HARD FOR THAT EX-BOSS OF YOURS TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT.
It was time to leave. But, to quote a friend, behind the palm trees and sunsets and the weather and the mountains and the ocean … LA’s a tricky bitch. And she was right.
TO DO BUSINESS …
Yeah. NY people look you in the face and say, “Yep, you got the job,” or, “Nope, you didn’t get the job.” In LA: That’s not how it works. Here they meet you, they love you — but as soon as you walk out that door, they don’t know you.
BUT YOU DID IT …
Yeah. Not over night. I fell on my face with that first job.
WHAT WAS THE BIGGEST RISK YOU’VE TAKEN?
It’s all risk. The way I’ve always lived — new countries, new jobs, new loves. I’ve never had a strategic plan.
HAS THE MEANING OF SUCCESS CHANGED FOR YOU?
I don’t think I’m successful. I still need to hustle. The fear of losing this is still drivin’ me …
LET’S TALK ABOUT THAT TRANSFORMATION FROM ‘YOUNG DI’ TO THE WOMAN I’M LOOKING AT NOW — SOOO DIFFERENT FROM MOM’S EXPECTATIONS …
I was transformed the second I came to America and tossed off my Laura Ashley dress and all the values that went with it. In fact, it was seconds after the plane landed.
As for my mother’s expectations — that’s a novel, not an interview…
I LOVE YOUR STYLE. FROM THE MOMENT I MET YOU A ZILLION YEARS AGO, YOU HAD IT.
You either have it or you don’t. When I first came to NY, I became an individual — instead of my parent’s accessory. Then my style just naturally came to me. And it has evolved …
AND THAT’S WHEN YOU CAME OUT?
Well, let’s not forget all the Charlottes and Tiffanys… but yeah. You know, I thank God every day that I am a lesbian. There is not one moment that I would swap.
WHY?
Well, it’s who I am to begin with. And no expectations in terms of tradition, grandchildren, my relationship ... FREEDOM. Even my mother’s given up. I was randy and furry before it was trendy — but I am Persian …
I am so comfortable in my own skin now. And it just gets better as I get older.
”AS I GET OLDER I GET LESS AND LESS IN THE WAY OF MYSELF” — LOVED THAT LINE THOUGH I CANNOT FIND THE AUTHOR — MAYBE IT WAS ME?
Well, whoever it is — I relate too.
FOR ME, IT WAS THAT NEED TO BE COOL … IN THE RIGHT PLACE AT THE RIGHT TIME … VANISHED.
I don’t give a shit what anybody thinks. I am so into my partner and kid situation — and I’m gonna do it right.
THAT’S ON YOUR WAY TO BEING GLORIOUS…
Remember last year when I visited you — and your knickers were in a twist ‘cause some guy completely ghosted after you were dating for five months? And he confessed he had two kids who LOATHED him?
DO I EVER …
Well, that’s the parent I’m never gonna be. I told you, in future — maybe put on your dating profile or the title for your next book: IF HIS KIDS HATE HIM — YOU WILL TOO
A BOOK BEGGING TO BE WRITTEN …
“It’s nice when you turn the corner and life takes over.”
LET’S GO BACK TO THE RANDY LEILA I KNEW … ARE YOU MISSING THAT GIRL? IS IT A TRADE OFF TO THE COMFORTING HOME LIFE YOU HAVE NOW?
Hardly a trade. It’s just what is.
DO YOU MISS A SEXUAL LIFE?
No.
HOW’S YOUR PARTNER FEEL ABOUT THAT?
She probably wants me to be randy.
BUT YOU ARE BOTH HAPPY …
There’s no other person for me. She doesn’t tap into my insanity bullshit. So, we kind of really complement each other. You know what it is? She’s kind. I don’t need to fuck my brains out 24 hours a day now — I guess I just needed a little kindness in my life, ya know?
DID YOU EXPECT THIS WHOLE PACKAGE?
No. Never. I just show up. We’re so busy trying to control everything — it’s nice when you turn the corner and life takes over.
WHAT’S YOUR PASSION RIGHT NOW?
This dog you hate. (I DO.) My family. And I can honestly say I love what I do.
WHAT’S SOMETHING YOU NEEDED TO LEARN THE HARD WAY?
Controlling my temper. Back to MENOPAUSE!
It’s turned up that flame a lot higher. Like, now I really don’t have tolerance for any bullshit.
THAT MIGHT BE THE BENEFIT OF GETTING OLDER. NO BULLSHIT.
But I take it to extremes. MENOPAUSE!
WHAT WOULD YOU DO OVER AGAIN IN YOUR LIFE?
I wish I had figured out my passion and do all this earlier. I wasted so much time not knowing what I wanted. You’re lucky. You always knew.
DO YOU HAVE A MESSAGE FOR YOUNGER WOMEN?
Don’t be afraid to speak your mind. When I walk into a room now, I see people’s spines straighten up. And I’m okay with that. Be yourself. Speak out.
I NEVER THOUGHT OF YOU AS A WIMP — BUT WHEN DID THIS SHIFT HAPPEN FOR YOU?
LA. Fresh start. People didn’t know my fuckups, they didn’t know me in the industry. They didn’t know squat.
SO WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO YOUNGER WOMEN — WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO YOURSELF?
Same thing — trust your own instincts. You knew me in those younger days. You’d say: Leila, you have an eye when I was working as a photographer. But my insecurities got in the way. I didn’t push myself to the front of the line … and I should have.
But this is what I have to say to women our age and trying to get back inside the workforce — cause — duh — it can be tough — and ageist. This was my big lesson …
DO TELL …
Put your egos and pride aside. Like when I got fired unceremoniously. OK? I couldn’t find a job for six months. Murder. Then someone offered me a job I was way too good for, I mean, I could make more at Starbucks. I am not exaggerating. I swallowed my pride and just did it to survive. Through that experience — through going all the way to the bottom — again — I figured out what LA was about: the land of make believe — that’s what this town was built on.
YOU MEAN MAKING MOVIES, VIDEO … MAKE BELIEVE …
Yeah. Once I figured out that simple truth — I was like — I can do this. I know what they need.
My point is —you can’t look at your resumé and say I am too good for this, I was VP of that — it doesn’t fuckin’ matter.
THIS REMINDS ME — A FELLOW COLLEAGUE AT A NOW DEFUNCT MAGAZINE SAID: “THAT GUY THINKS HE WAS REALLY SOMEBODY IN THE BIZ. WHAT HE DOESN’T REALIZE IS — WE WERE ALL SOMEBODY IN THE BIZ. IT DOESN’T FUCKIN’ MATTER NOW.” THAT WAS SUCH A GREAT REALITY CHECK. “BE HERE NOW” (TO QUOTE THE DEARLY DEPARTED RAM DASS)
Seriously. And if it’s something that’s not even on your path — like if you had to go pump gas to figure it out, then that’s what you gotta do. Because one thing will lead to another.
I HAVE A FRIEND IN HER 50s AND SHE CAN’T LET GO OF THE RAGE SHE HAS WITH HER PARENTS …
Oh. That’s the basis of my rage. I am working on it! But MENOPAUSE! (we laugh) amped it — I’d just like to be over with the rage. Remember the show “Six Feet Under” — that final epic scene — when the brother and sister are sitting on the couch, and they are still complaining about their parents, and the brother literally just dies — talking about mommy and daddy. That’s basically my fear …
I DON’T KNOW HOW GLORIOUS IT IS — BUT THAT’S VERY FUNNY.
I’m on my way to gloriousness, girl ... I’m 50 so it’s time. And also, I’m only 50 and I’ve got time! But no more time for MENOPAUSE — it’s trying to kill me!
You’ll find the glorious Leila workin’ 24-7 at Electric Pony Studios — riding her kick-ass motorcyle — and scathing Trump on facebook. As for menopause — prepare for it — talk to your fellow GBs. It makes all the difference.