Pleasure Guru plus one …
And this Broad/Dame knows fun
PHOTOS: CHRISTOPHER SCALZI / DISTILLED STUDIOS
I love when you meet a YOUNG Glorious Broad — and the way it challenges — actually — the way it TRASHES your “AGE IS THE WISEST OF ALL THINGS” — because sometimes — like in the case of this Broad, Alex Fine, the CEO and founder of Dame — age don’t matter!
I met her when she was 7 ¾ months pregnant — the sex guru — preggers — and about to begin a whole new sexual journey — and it’s begun — just brought her baby into the world.
If you don’t know about Dame, curl yourself up and dig in — you’ll learn plenty …. Sex (and toys). Feminism. Tutorials. And FUNNY. Closing the pleasure gap is their mission. We’ve got other agents working on income equality and just basic human RESPECT FOR FUCKS SAKE. We’re glad Alex is monitoring the orgasm index.
And if all THAT doesn’t raise your GB eyebrows, get a load of her lawsuit against the MTA. Think it’s A-OK to see erectile dysfunction ads on every other subway car but a big NOPE for displaying Dame’s pleasure ad campaigns?! Flagrant bullshit double standard, and Alex is standing up to it. Welcome to the Glorious Broad Tribe, Alex!
GLORIOUS PROFESSION: Sex Guru and Pleasure Innovator
GLORIOUS PERSONA: Entrepreneurial, Scrappy, Standing up to the (Wo)Man (and the MTA)
GLORIOUS QUALITIES: Wise, Introspective, Sex Positive — and Hilarious
GLORIOUS PHILOSOPHY:
“There is surviving and then there is thriving ... Erotic energy is thriving..”
SO ON GLORIOUS BROADS, YOU ARE THE BROAD BETWEEN KATHLEEN TURNER — JESSICA RABBIT? (BLANK LOOK) — AND THEN BETTYE LA VETTE, THE R&B SOUL QUEEN?
Ooops. Blank.
OUCH. OK: ONWARD … LOOK ‘EM UP GRRRLLL
I AM IN LOVE WITH DAME. PERIOD. DONE. AND YOUR POM VIBRATOR — MINDBLOWING.
Oh yeah... (laughs) The Pom’s super.
BUT I LOVE THE TAG LINE “CLOSING THE PLEASURE GAP” WAS THAT YOURS? SAYS EVERYTHING …
I’m not sure who first really said it out loud. But there was so much conversation about closing the wage gap. And the confidence gap. We thought — what about pleasure? Do we even think about pleasure? We should …
WELL, I'M LOVING THE TONE OF YOUR SITE — FEMINIST, FUNNY, AND I LEARN STUFF FROM YOUR SIDEBARS AND MINI TUTORIALS …
We can be feminists but silly and fun. Ya know?
YEAH WE CAN!
OK, GIMME YOUR ONE LINE PHILOSOPHY ON THE FOLLOWING:
AGE.
It’s an illusion.
But it's real too …
SEX.
It’s an illusion. (We laugh)
No — It’s a vital part of our well-being.
FEMINISM.
Feminism … It's for everyone.
OH I LOVE YOU.
ENTER GIRLBOSS
YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO APOLOGIES FOR YOUR AMBITION — AND IT’S SO BIG.
WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?
Trauma.
(We laugh)
I think it is a little bit of trauma and a chip on my shoulder.
OOOH – DO TELL.
Well — I have to remind myself that I AM successful already.
Because I forget. I don't feel successful often. I feel like I need to be bigger. I need to do more, make more money, more revenue, more accolades.
I'm not always proud of this. And I’m always trying to find the balance.
It’s patriarchy! That “MORE” mindset is not healthy and isn't always good. I can be a little insatiable. In the bedroom. In the boardroom. Like a lush …
YEAH, ME TOO …
I like to do things hard if I'm going to do them. There's a little bit of me that just likes it loud and big. I do wonder if it's like a desire to prove something — to my dad. (We laugh)
MENTOR CORNER
WELL, THAT'S WHAT I WAS GETTING TO — WHO DO YOU THINK SHAPED YOU?
My dad
DADS AGAIN …
And my mom. And all my grandparents.
My grandmother on my mom's side is a Holocaust survivor. And on my dad's side, they were both orphans. All impoverished at some point.
So — on the flip side, I was raised with a ton of privilege. And the constant reminder … it could go.
So it was a little like — “You just went to Columbia, and you're gonna make fucking vibrators??!!”
SO. YOUR MOM WOULD RATHER YOU BE A DENTIST THAN HELP YOUR SISTERS COME? HA!
LET’S TALK SEX! MY 30-YR OLD SELF HAD A HUGE SEXUAL WAKE-UP FROM THE QUEEN BETTY DODSON, WHO I'M SURE YOU KNOW. BUT WHO IN YOUR GENERATION FORMED YOU?
Honesty, similar people. Like Dr. Ruth!
DR. RUTH. WOW!
Love her. AND I remember watching Talk Sex with Sue Johanson — around early 2000’s. And it feels like there was nobody in media until Esther Perel …
NOW THAT’S A LONG TIME …
And Dr. Ruth, by the way, is 93 — and also a Holocaust survivor.
And Esther Perel is the daughter of Holocaust survivors. Interesting …
THE TRAUMA-PLEASURE LINK…
I love that Esther Perel talks all the time about thriving. There is surviving and then there is thriving, and understanding the difference. Erotic energy is thriving.
“I can be a little insatiable. Like a lush”
DEEP. WHO ELSE IS ON YOUR MENTOR LIST?
Esther Perel. Dr. Bat Sheva Marcus, who wrote Sex Points. Dr. Lori Brotto, — and Dr. Laurie Mintz — who wrote Becoming Cliterate. Amazing. Call her.
Dan Savage — I think he's super rad. And he has real cultural clout. But these researchers and therapists? Not so much…
AND GWYNETH PALTROW??? AND HER PUSSY SCENTED CANDLE?
Honestly, I mean, there's a part of me that’s jealous. OK? It can be a little frustrating to see somebody with so much buzz doing some of the things you've been doing for a while and get so much more attention. But if I sit with it, and I'm— well, my higher self — it's fucking dope.
I DON’T KNOW ABOUT THE VAGINA SMELLING CANDLES. …. BUT IT WAS GREAT TO SEE THAT SEX SHOW WITH BETTY DODSON
She brought Betty Dodson on to Netflix!!! I mean…
SO HERE YOU ARE A YOUNG WOMAN AND INFLUENCER — YOU HAVE BEEN A BIG PART OF THIS CULTURAL SHIFT FOR YOUR GENERATION — SEX, PLEASURE, FEMINIST, GENDER …
See this is the thing, No, I don't necessarily feel that way. I'm part of this trend, this wave. But I'm starting to be less surprised when I tell people what I do — and then they say: “Oh, I own your product.” I'm like — no way!
BUT IT’S HAPPENING — AND KEEPS HAPPENING …
Yes! So …
“Feminism … It’s for everyone ”
WHAT WOULD YOU SAY HAS BEEN THE BIGGEST RISK YOU'VE TAKEN AT THIS POINT? THAT BABY?
I'll go with suing the MTA over the flagrant double standard — NOT displaying Dame’s pleasure ad campaigns?! When graphic erectile disfunction ads are on every train and bus in this town. Big stuff. I’ve had people (like big people) say: Why are you getting involved in an expensive lawsuit?
YEAH. I FOLLOWED THAT CASE. IT WAS EVERYWHERE. IT’S BULLSHIT. THANK YOU.
Well, it's really worth it. Both in getting the press attention, but also it felt so right to make this stand — making an impact — changing some people's minds. So that's pretty cool.
GOOD VIBRATIONS
SO HOW DO YOU DREAM UP AND DESIGN A NEW SEX TOY? SUCH A JUICY JOB (SORRY READER) Well, sometimes we make a product we know exists — We don’t always have to reinvent the wheel. Like Arc, our internal vibrator. Using our survey — our Dame Lab — those lucky people with vulvas who signed up to test and give feedback — we were able to identify that the internal toys could be much better externally (over 90% users use the toy that way) — so we optimized for that — as well as internal pressure. Its designed well for both. And we got a hit!
HOW BIG IS THE TEAM?
Around 20 awesome people
WHILE I LOVE THE SITE — I’M NOT SEEING MUCH AGE DIVERSITY GURRLLLL — WE’RE SEXY!!!
Oh fuck. I want to see us do that more. We have trans people, color diversity, size diversity —… And it’s just wild ‘cause we sit around and talk about inclusion all the fucking time. Most of the models on our site have been friends of friends by the way…
WELL, I’M AVAILABLE.
That would be awesome.
We seem to need that age reminder.
YOU AND THE REST OF THE WORLD DARLING …
SPEAKIN OF WHICH…
HORNY AT ANY AGE
IT IS AMAZING TO ME THAT I'M SOMEHOW 70 AND I’M AS SEXUAL AS I EVER WAS. WHO KNEW. CAN YOU IMAGINE YOU — SEX GURU THAT YOU ARE — YOUR SEX LIFE AT 70s, 80s AND … OR IS IT ALL TOO FAR AWAY?
I can imagine it. I actually think the part that trips me up — sorry, husband but — will it still be my husband? How to keep all that stuff spicy …
And then I imagine my body in different stages, and feeling sexy in it.
I THINK THAT’S CALLED LIFE
Yes. That's life. I've also decided that trying to convince myself all the time that I have to love every inch of my body Is equally as harmful as when I just didn't like it.
SO — HOW DO YOU MANAGE TO DO IT ALL?
Well, I don’t. I’m learning. The bigger we get — the more I realize I need to take breaks. I have to. I can get frustrated — there was a campaign that somebody in the company put together. I didn’t like it. I felt it in my body. Why would you even show me this? Then I start attacking myself: I’m a bad person for being so critical …
WOMEN …
(We laugh) But what I am saying is: I am trying to take a second now. No. It’s okay. Why do I feel this way? So that’s how I do it all: By just constantly focusing on expressing my needs. Clearly.
EVERYTHING …
I read these quotes, like Elon Musk – if you want to be successful, you need to work twice as many hours as everybody else. Because if you just work twice as many hours, you're just twice as likely to succeed. Then what the fuck is success? I just really struggled to buy into that. I think that if you actually don't work all the damn time — and take a little bit longer to figure out what success is for you…
That being said, I’m gonna make a lot of money.
(We laugh)
“I’m a sex guru — and if sex isn’t important to me right now — WHO AM I? ”
HOW’D YOU AND YOUR HUBBY DO WITH COVID?
You know the book: Esther Perel’s Mating in Captivity.
LOVE
When you take animals and you cage them up, they do not have sex. My husband and I weren't fighting. Actually, I almost wish we were fighting more — that would have been hotter. We were just peace and cozy. I had a moment where I really felt like he was my brother. That's not fine. You’re laughing…
HEY! I HAD THE OPPOSITE. WE WERE TWO CAGED ANIMALS WHO FOUND OUT WE COULDN’T BEAR TO LIVE TOGETHER. BYE BYE!
Yep. Covid did that … And now we are out and about and other women are reminding me of how hot and funny and sexy my partner is. That was so helpful…
BUT NOW THIS WHOLE NEW CHAPTER IN SEX — IN LIFE — IN INTIMACY — THE BABY!
I think it's gonna be really hard when we have a kid together. I thought my mom and dad were brother and sister. Like, I didn't understand that they chose each other for a long time. (We laugh)
THERE’S ALWAYS DATE NIGHT!
It can create anxiety because you're like, alright, we need to like CONNECT. Something I've really been learning — especially through my pregnancy is — sex takes me on this emotional journey — I cry!
SO MANY HORMONES!
Totally. I’m also thinking like, what if I can't find sex the way I used to have sex? When are we gonna fuck again? You know, like … FUCK
WELL, YOU MAY NOT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT SEX FOR A WHILE. YOU KNOW, THAT BABY IS GONNA TAKE UP ALL THAT LOVE UP AT FIRST.
And I think for me when I don't give a shit about sex, I just need to be okay with that. Yes, I'm a sex guru and yes, sex isn't important to me right now. WHO AM I?
GETTING SAGE
LET’S GO BACK IN TIME SHALL WE? IF YOU HAD A MESSAGE TO YOUR YOUNGER SELF, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
You are amazing, and you're doing it right. Like you should do it more. I definitely think specifically, like, when I was slut shamed … in 7th grade!
TELL.
I felt so much regret. I was like… oh I wish I hadn't done it. There’s a whole diary entry: I'm not going to kiss any boys ever again, only if we're boyfriend and girlfriend… I want to look at the 13 year-old me and say: You go kiss all the fucking boys you want to kiss, and all the girls you want to kiss! Don't let what other people think matter.
And I love the power of my sexuality.
IT IS POWER. YES.
SOOOO powerful. I think that's kind of part of the problem. It’s like your first power when growing up
DO YOU HAVE A MESSAGE FOR OTHER YOUNG WOMEN
My message would be for younger women or trans or non binary or…
ANYBODY WHO CONSIDERS THEMSELVES A BROAD.
YES I love that.
Nobody knows what they're doing.
AH, GREAT. THAT'S GREAT.
Now I want to tell my kid — everybody's figuring it out. So you're good. You're figuring it out too.
WELL, I JUST LOVE YOU …. YOU GLORIOUS BROAD!
Go get yourself a new vibrator at Dameproducts.com — and check out Alex at @afinehuman - ‘cause she is one …
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