Glorious Broad #21: Alexandra Fine

Pleasure Guru plus one …

And this Broad/Dame knows fun

PHOTOS: CHRISTOPHER SCALZI / DISTILLED STUDIOS

I love when you meet a YOUNG Glorious Broad — and the way it challenges — actually — the way it TRASHES your “AGE IS THE WISEST OF ALL THINGS” — because sometimes — like in the case of this Broad, Alex Fine, the CEO and founder of Dame — age don’t matter!

I met her when she was 7 ¾ months pregnant — the sex guru — preggers — and about to begin a whole new sexual journey — and it’s begun — just brought her baby into the world.

If you don’t know about Dame, curl yourself up and dig in — you’ll learn plenty …. Sex (and toys). Feminism. Tutorials. And FUNNY. Closing the pleasure gap is their mission. We’ve got other agents working on income equality and just basic human RESPECT FOR FUCKS SAKE. We’re glad Alex is monitoring the orgasm index.

And if all THAT doesn’t raise your GB eyebrows, get a load of her lawsuit against  the MTA. Think it’s A-OK to see erectile dysfunction ads on every other subway car but a big NOPE for displaying Dame’s pleasure ad campaigns?! Flagrant bullshit double standard, and Alex is standing up to it. Welcome to the Glorious Broad Tribe, Alex!

GLORIOUS PROFESSION: Sex Guru and Pleasure Innovator

GLORIOUS PERSONA: Entrepreneurial, Scrappy, Standing up to the (Wo)Man (and the MTA)

GLORIOUS QUALITIES: Wise, Introspective, Sex Positive — and Hilarious

GLORIOUS PHILOSOPHY:

“There is surviving and then there is thriving ... Erotic energy is thriving..”

SO ON GLORIOUS BROADS, YOU ARE THE BROAD BETWEEN KATHLEEN TURNER — JESSICA RABBIT? (BLANK LOOK) — AND THEN BETTYE LA VETTE, THE R&B SOUL QUEEN?
Ooops. Blank.

OUCH. OK: ONWARD … LOOK ‘EM UP GRRRLLL

I AM IN LOVE WITH DAME. PERIOD. DONE. AND YOUR POM VIBRATOR — MINDBLOWING.
Oh yeah... (laughs) The Pom’s super.

BUT I LOVE THE TAG LINE “CLOSING THE PLEASURE GAP” WAS THAT YOURS? SAYS EVERYTHING …
I’m not sure who first really said it out loud. But there was so much conversation about closing the wage gap. And the confidence gap. We thought — what about pleasure? Do we even think about pleasure? We should …

WELL, I'M LOVING THE TONE OF YOUR SITE — FEMINIST, FUNNY, AND I LEARN STUFF FROM YOUR SIDEBARS AND MINI TUTORIALS …
We can be feminists but silly and fun. Ya know?

YEAH WE CAN!

OK, GIMME YOUR ONE LINE PHILOSOPHY ON THE FOLLOWING:

AGE.
It’s an illusion.
But it's real too …

SEX.
It’s an illusion. (We laugh)
No — It’s a vital part of our well-being.

FEMINISM.
Feminism … It's for everyone.

OH I LOVE YOU.

ENTER GIRLBOSS

YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO APOLOGIES FOR YOUR AMBITION — AND IT’S SO BIG.
WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?
Trauma.
(We laugh)
I think it is a little bit of trauma and a chip on my shoulder.

OOOH – DO TELL.
Well — I have to remind myself that I AM successful already.

Because I forget. I don't feel successful often. I feel like I need to be bigger. I need to do more, make more money, more revenue, more accolades.

I'm not always proud of this. And I’m always trying to find the balance.

It’s patriarchy! That “MORE” mindset is not healthy and isn't always good. I can be a little insatiable. In the bedroom. In the boardroom. Like a lush …

YEAH, ME TOO …
I like to do things hard if I'm going to do them. There's a little bit of me that just likes it loud and big. I do wonder if it's like a desire to prove something — to my dad. (We laugh)

MENTOR CORNER

WELL, THAT'S WHAT I WAS GETTING TO — WHO DO YOU THINK SHAPED YOU?
My dad

DADS AGAIN …
And my mom. And all my grandparents.

My grandmother on my mom's side is a Holocaust survivor. And on my dad's side, they were both orphans. All impoverished at some point.

So — on the flip side, I was raised with a ton of privilege. And the constant reminder … it could go.
So it was a little like — “You just went to Columbia, and you're gonna make fucking vibrators??!!”

SO. YOUR MOM WOULD RATHER YOU BE A DENTIST THAN HELP YOUR SISTERS COME? HA!

LET’S TALK SEX! MY 30-YR OLD SELF HAD A HUGE SEXUAL WAKE-UP FROM THE QUEEN BETTY DODSON, WHO I'M SURE YOU KNOW. BUT WHO IN YOUR GENERATION FORMED YOU?
Honesty, similar people. Like Dr. Ruth!

DR. RUTH. WOW!

Love her. AND I remember watching Talk Sex with Sue Johanson — around early 2000’s. And it feels like there was nobody in media until Esther Perel …

NOW THAT’S A LONG TIME …

And Dr. Ruth, by the way, is 93 — and also a Holocaust survivor.

And Esther Perel is the daughter of Holocaust survivors. Interesting …

THE TRAUMA-PLEASURE LINK…

I love that Esther Perel talks all the time about thriving. There is surviving and then there is thriving, and understanding the difference. Erotic energy is thriving.

“I can be a little insatiable. Like a lush”

DEEP. WHO ELSE IS ON YOUR MENTOR LIST?
Esther Perel. Dr. Bat Sheva Marcus, who wrote Sex Points. Dr. Lori Brotto, — and Dr. Laurie Mintz — who wrote Becoming Cliterate. Amazing. Call her.

Dan Savage — I think he's super rad. And he has real cultural clout. But these researchers and therapists? Not so much…

AND GWYNETH PALTROW??? AND HER PUSSY SCENTED CANDLE?
Honestly, I mean, there's a part of me that’s jealous. OK? It can be a little frustrating to see somebody with so much buzz doing some of the things you've been doing for a while and get so much more attention. But if I sit with it, and I'm— well, my higher self — it's fucking dope.

I DON’T KNOW ABOUT THE VAGINA SMELLING CANDLES. …. BUT IT WAS GREAT TO SEE THAT SEX SHOW WITH BETTY DODSON
She brought Betty Dodson on to Netflix!!! I mean…

SO HERE YOU ARE A YOUNG WOMAN AND INFLUENCER — YOU HAVE BEEN A BIG PART OF THIS CULTURAL SHIFT FOR YOUR GENERATION — SEX, PLEASURE, FEMINIST, GENDER …
See this is the thing, No, I don't necessarily feel that way. I'm part of this trend, this wave. But I'm starting to be less surprised when I tell people what I do — and then they say: “Oh, I own your product.” I'm like — no way!

BUT IT’S HAPPENING — AND KEEPS HAPPENING …
Yes! So …

“Feminism … It’s for everyone ”

WHAT WOULD YOU SAY HAS BEEN THE BIGGEST RISK YOU'VE TAKEN AT THIS POINT? THAT BABY?
I'll go with suing the MTA over the flagrant double standard — NOT displaying Dame’s pleasure ad campaigns?! When graphic erectile disfunction ads are on every train and bus in this town. Big stuff. I’ve had people (like big people) say: Why are you getting involved in an expensive lawsuit?

YEAH. I FOLLOWED THAT CASE. IT WAS EVERYWHERE. IT’S BULLSHIT. THANK YOU.
Well, it's really worth it. Both in getting the press attention, but also it felt so right to make this stand — making an impact — changing some people's minds. So that's pretty cool.

GOOD VIBRATIONS

SO HOW DO YOU DREAM UP AND DESIGN A NEW SEX TOY? SUCH A JUICY JOB (SORRY READER) Well, sometimes we make a product we know exists — We don’t always have to reinvent the wheel. Like Arc, our internal vibrator. Using our survey — our Dame Lab — those lucky people with vulvas who signed up to test and give feedback — we were able to identify that the internal toys could be much better externally (over 90% users use the toy that way) — so we optimized for that — as well as internal pressure. Its designed well for both. And we got a hit!

HOW BIG IS THE TEAM?
Around 20 awesome people

WHILE I LOVE THE SITE — I’M NOT SEEING MUCH AGE DIVERSITY GURRLLLL — WE’RE SEXY!!!
Oh fuck. I want to see us do that more. We have trans people, color diversity, size diversity —… And it’s just wild ‘cause we sit around and talk about inclusion all the fucking time. Most of the models on our site have been friends of friends by the way…

WELL, I’M AVAILABLE.
That would be awesome.
We seem to need that age reminder.

YOU AND THE REST OF THE WORLD DARLING …

SPEAKIN OF WHICH…

HORNY AT ANY AGE

IT IS AMAZING TO ME THAT I'M SOMEHOW 70 AND I’M AS SEXUAL AS I EVER WAS. WHO KNEW. CAN YOU IMAGINE YOU — SEX GURU THAT YOU ARE — YOUR SEX LIFE AT 70s, 80s AND … OR IS IT ALL TOO FAR AWAY?
I can imagine it. I actually think the part that trips me up — sorry, husband but — will it still be my husband? How to keep all that stuff spicy …

And then I imagine my body in different stages, and feeling sexy in it.

I THINK THAT’S CALLED LIFE
Yes. That's life. I've also decided that trying to convince myself all the time that I have to love every inch of my body Is equally as harmful as when I just didn't like it.

SO — HOW DO YOU MANAGE TO DO IT ALL?

Well, I don’t. I’m learning. The bigger we get — the more I realize I need to take breaks. I have to. I can get frustrated — there was a campaign that somebody in the company put together. I didn’t like it. I felt it in my body. Why would you even show me this? Then I start attacking myself: I’m a bad person for being so critical …

WOMEN …
(We laugh) But what I am saying is: I am trying to take a second now. No. It’s okay. Why do I feel this way? So that’s how I do it all: By just constantly focusing on expressing my needs. Clearly.

EVERYTHING …
I read these quotes, like Elon Musk – if you want to be successful, you need to work twice as many hours as everybody else. Because if you just work twice as many hours, you're just twice as likely to succeed. Then what the fuck is success? I just really struggled to buy into that. I think that if you actually don't work all the damn time — and take a little bit longer to figure out what success is for you…

That being said, I’m gonna make a lot of money.

(We laugh)

“I’m a sex guru — and if sex isn’t important to me right now — WHO AM I? ”

HOW’D YOU AND YOUR HUBBY DO WITH COVID?
You know the book: Esther Perel’s Mating in Captivity.

LOVE
When you take animals and you cage them up, they do not have sex. My husband and I weren't fighting. Actually, I almost wish we were fighting more —  that would have been hotter. We were just peace and cozy. I had a moment where I really felt like he was my brother. That's not fine. You’re laughing…

HEY! I HAD THE OPPOSITE. WE WERE TWO CAGED ANIMALS WHO FOUND OUT WE COULDN’T BEAR TO LIVE TOGETHER. BYE BYE!
Yep. Covid did that … And now we are out and about and other women are reminding me of how hot and funny and sexy my partner is. That was so helpful…

BUT NOW THIS WHOLE NEW CHAPTER IN SEX — IN LIFE — IN INTIMACY — THE BABY!
I think it's gonna be really hard when we have a kid together. I thought my mom and dad were brother and sister. Like, I didn't understand that they chose each other for a long time. (We laugh)

THERE’S ALWAYS DATE NIGHT!
It can create anxiety because you're like, alright, we need to like CONNECT. Something I've really been learning — especially through my pregnancy is — sex takes me on this emotional journey — I cry!

SO MANY HORMONES!
Totally. I’m also thinking like, what if I can't find sex the way I used to have sex? When are we gonna fuck again? You know, like … FUCK

WELL, YOU MAY NOT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT SEX FOR A WHILE. YOU KNOW, THAT BABY IS GONNA TAKE UP ALL THAT LOVE UP AT FIRST.
And I think for me when I don't give a shit about sex, I just need to be okay with that. Yes, I'm a sex guru and yes, sex isn't important to me right now. WHO AM I?

GETTING SAGE

LET’S GO BACK IN TIME SHALL WE? IF YOU HAD A MESSAGE TO YOUR YOUNGER SELF, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
You are amazing, and you're doing it right. Like you should do it more. I definitely think specifically, like, when I was slut shamed … in 7th grade!

TELL.
I felt so much regret. I was like… oh I wish I hadn't done it. There’s a whole diary entry: I'm not going to kiss any boys ever again, only if we're boyfriend and girlfriend… I want to look at the 13 year-old me and say: You go kiss all the fucking boys you want to kiss, and all the girls you want to kiss! Don't let what other people think matter.

And I love the power of my sexuality.

IT IS POWER. YES.
SOOOO powerful. I think that's kind of part of the problem. It’s like your first power when growing up

DO YOU HAVE A MESSAGE FOR OTHER YOUNG WOMEN
My message would be for younger women or trans or non binary or…

ANYBODY WHO CONSIDERS THEMSELVES A BROAD.
YES I love that.
Nobody knows what they're doing.

AH, GREAT. THAT'S GREAT.
Now I want to tell my kid — everybody's figuring it out. So you're good. You're figuring it out too.

WELL, I JUST LOVE YOU …. YOU GLORIOUS BROAD!

Go get yourself a new vibrator at Dameproducts.com — and check out Alex at @afinehuman - ‘cause she is one …

 -

Glorious Broad #17: Liz Friedman

PHOTOS: CHRISTOPHER SCALZI / DISTILLED STUDIOS

Hair/Makeup: Tiagi Lambert

That necklace: Designed by Liz Friedman

The Bomb in all her glory

The beyond glorious jewelry designer/fashion icon/consummate New Yorker, 81 year-old Liz Friedman, is utterly charming with her wit and — yes — gonna say it — wisdom. But this ain't granny story time — her yarns had me doing spit takes with my 11 dollar cappuccino when we met at Ralphs Coffee. Like the one about how Bergdorf's started to carry her (beyond amazing) jewelry line...  At first they foolishly ignored her calls until she left the following message: “If I didn’t love this store so much I wouldn’t bother telling you this. I've been in your downstairs café selling my jewelry like crazy, and you are not making a nickel on these sales. Wouldn’t you like to talk?” The phone rang within minutes. Slay, Queen!

And GBs, the Liz Freidman ride is just beginning — fasten your seatbelts for a glorious ride…

GLORIOUS PROFESSION: Fundraiser Cum Jewelry Designer Cum Consummate New Yorker

GLORIOUS PERSONA: Draws a Crowd Just Walking Down the Street, Late Bloomer

GLORIOUS QUALITIES: Hilarious Storyteller, Survivor, Thriver, Living Her Best Life

GLORIOUS PHILOSOPHY:

“I want you to look at me! I DON’T want to be invisible.”

SO HOW AND WHEN DID YOU DEVELOP YOUR LOOK? I LOVE THAT IT’S NOT OVERLY OUTRAGEOUS  — JUST PURE FUCKIN’ FABULOUS.
I’m glad you call it fabulous.

I always knew that what I loved and what I could have were not the same thing. First, I grew up as a fat kid. Second, my parents were very leftist — they viewed clothes as superficial.

SO WHAT DID THE YOUNG YOU DO?
I started to sew my own clothes. Very early. And in ’56, I went off to college and lived on a Kibbutz in Israel.

HOW DID YOU BLOSSOM ON A KIBBUTZ???
Well, anything related to fashion was deliberately denigrated there … but I got ahold of Vogue magazine. It cost a whole month’s allowance and I devoured it. I couldn’t have any of that stuff but …

BUT WHAT?
Coming back from Israel, where we saw NOTHING, we went to Italy, Florence and Rome for 4 days. The impression that made on me …

TELL ME.
Those women! The cut of the suits, the leather, the shoes! I wore a size nine shoe which was unheard of in Italy in those days. But I managed. That whole elegant look — yet something more. My basic style has stayed the same since.

BUT HOW DID YOU TURN INTO … THIS?
I returned home, and in my freshman year at Queens College, I met this older woman I was trying to befriend. She said to me, ‘I think you're the best kid in the world, and I want to be friends with you but — I don’t like fat kids. So as soon as you get that off … ‘

I lost 75 pounds.

I went to Paris to finish school, and suddenly, everybody’s falling all over me. (chuckling) That never happened before…

UNLEASHED — at 65

HOW DID YOU DRESS IN YOUR WORKING LIFE?
When you’re paid a salary, you have to do what they want. I had to be conservative. Stylish, but conservative. But when I left the organization ...

YOU WERE UNLEASHED …
First, I discovered consignment clothing. I had a secretary who used to have these clothes that — how the hell can she afford this …

And she told me about this place called Encore — the granddaddy of resale shops — and I was off to the races.

AND THE VINTAGE?
This jacket I have on is from 1900 — I bought stuff like this from a garage on 25th street — the workmanship! And I wore those wonderful petticoats — made me look like I was on the Titanic.

Then I started to go to England where they had great hat makers. It was like a costume party. And it just fed on itself.  

LOVE.

And then I got into making jewelry …

WHAT AGE?
I was retired. Like …. 2003. I’m 81 now so whatever that was.

I started getting more and more attention and meeting people. I was staying at the Regina Hotel in Paris. I walked out on the street and some very tall gentleman came over and slips me a piece of paper — it was a modeling release.

He said: ‘Madame, you are the most fashionable woman in all Paris.’ Now, when I was 20 — nobody ever paid any attention to me like that.

But everybody's gathering on the street. They think I’m somebody famous …

LOVE LOVE!
Then this bus tour comes along and the guide gets off the bus and — thinking I didn’t speak French — says: Ladies and gentleman: Now this is Parisian chic. I said: ‘Yeah, from Brooklyn.’

I got a laugh …

AND YOU’RE STILL PASSIONATE ABOUT FASHION …
I am as excited about fashion today at 81 as I was when I 20 years old.

And I want you to look at me!

I DON’T want to be invisible. (laughs)

DID YOU DREAM AT 16 YOU WOULD BECOME THE WOMAN THAT YOU ARE TODAY?
I saw myself always living in Manhattan and being a very sort of sophisticated type.

AN AUNTIE MAME TYPE?
Absolutely.

“ Have your own, be your own, do your own.”

DID YOU WANT KIDS?
I used to think about it. But I sort of knew that wasn’t for me.

HOW DO YOU SPEND YOUR TIME? YOU’RE SHOT BY PHOTOGRAPHERS ON THE STREETS — EVERYWHERE.
it’s very unstructured. I leave myself open to new adventures.

WELL, YOUR ENERGY IS AMAZING.
You don't see me lying about in an old terry cloth bath robe …

ARE YOU AT ALL INTERESTED IN A LOVE LIFE AT THIS POINT?
I don’t think about it.

My young friend is funny — she’ll say oh look — this guy's looking at you …

What am I gonna do with that? No. That someone should look the other way.

WHEN DID YOU WALK AWAY FROM ALL THAT?
When I was 40, I cleaned up everything. I stopped drinking. I stop smoking. I stopped drugs and I said I would stop having sex for a bit. I was promiscuous back then …

OUCH
I would try that for a year and then — somewhere along the line — celibacy chose me.

Also — I didn’t do what you have to do to attract a guy.

LIKE?
I always felt that what I liked most about me is what made me least likeable to men: My outrageousness. My strong opinions.

I couldn’t live with a man now. Although … adjoining planets might work …

AND IF HE ROCKETS OVER TO YOUR PLANET ONCE IN A WHILE …

WELL, WHAT WERE YOU DOING FOR A LIVING AT FORTY?
Always fundraising.

AND HOW WAS THAT?
I loved it.

I wasn’t the March of Dimes. I don’t do that crowd.

I don't do direct mail. You give me a million dollars and I’ll do things with grace.

It's not fundraising, it’s friend raising.

People think — oh you're doing good. No. I’m not doing good. I’m doing well.

ABOUT THAT CLEAN UP …

TELL ME MORE ABOUT THAT CLEAN UP AT 40 — THAT A BIG RESTART?
Well, I kind of went off the rails for a while.

I never got fat again. But that fear was looming over me. I did all the anorexic things — the bulimic things. I was thinking about food all the time. And I loved that everybody thought I was in control. But I was totally out of control.

AND WERE YOU WORKING?
Oh yes, I was a successful working woman. But I would go on these eating binges … it seems so long ago. It’s easy to talk about now.

I would start on a Friday night and by the time I had to go back to work on Monday, I couldn’t fit into anything, my face was swollen — and I was drinking.

Everything was falling apart.

WHAT TURNED IT AROUND?
I walked into an Overeaters Anonymous Meeting. I immediately thought — these are the sickest people I've ever seen in my life.

And somebody came over to me and said: ‘Could you come to 30 meetings, one meeting every day?’

Well, I wasn’t even gonna stay through this one. (Laughs)

And I said, Well, what if I don't like it? Do I get my money back? I didn't know it was free…

Her answer? ‘At the end of the 30 days, if you don't like what happens here, we’ll give you back your over eating and your misery. How’s that?’

And I thought: this is powerful.

VERY.

So I started to go every day. And I thought what they did in there was ridiculous. Stupid.

That was 40 years ago and I’ve never eaten another grain of sugar, I’ve never had a food binge and I’ve never over eaten since.

But it was hard. Then I thought, I might as well clean up everything else: drinking, smoking, all of it. And I'd like to tell you that my life worked out wonderfully from then on.

It didn’t.

IT WASN’T ALL RAINBOWS Y’ALL

I went through a period for five years where I almost never got out of bed. I lost my job. I lost everything. I didn't have a cent to my name. I thought it was over. In AA they say: the miracle is just around the corner. And I thought all the king's horses and all the king's men can’t help me out …

My brother was paying my rent. But nobody knew what was going on — ‘cause I could still get dressed…

I have a five year blank in my resume …

And one day … I was now 46, I had to go to a wedding in Jersey.

And I got all dressed up, the way I did.

This woman comes over to me and says, ‘I remember you. You’re the best fundraiser in the business. You’re gonna come work for me.’

I thought — ho ho, yeah, sure …

She said: What are you doing these days?

I said, oh… very busy. Then she told me: ‘I just gave a foundation a million dollars but they’ll  only get it if they raise another million to match — and they’re inept with raising funds ….. ‘

OH MY GOD. WOW.

And I didn’t know anyone. ANYONE.

She says I want you to go see the foundation President tomorrow. I didn't even have bus fare. I carried my shoes in my bag as I walked there. The President and I interview. And that's when I learned the rules of the working world, which I now teach. You never go to personnel — and don’t have a resumé. It means nothing. ‘Cause when somebody who gave a million dollars says to the President: You're gonna hire her … you've got the job.

He never asked me what I've been doing all these years. Instead it's: Someone told me that you're an expert in this area. Can you help us? ‘Well, I’m busy.’ Can’t you give us any time?

‘Well, maybe three days a week.’

My scenario was at the end of the first day, they’ll fire me. But they'll have to pay me for that day and I could live on that for a long time. So he asked, how much do you get? This was like 1986. I said $500 a day — the biggest number I could think of. He says yeah, we can give you that.

So I went in Monday. I came back Wednesday, and in one month, I raised a million dollars.

YOU’RE KILLING ME …

They thought I walked on the water. They made me a director of the organization at some astronomical salary. So that was the end of that.

I’M DUMBFOUNDED. 

If my brother wasn’t paying my rent, I’d be on street. I had nothing. I used to think, how did I use to buy a dress? How did I buy a tube of lipstick? And then the next two days after I got hired, I’m on a yacht — and we’re cruising up the Hudson.

WOW, WOW, THAT ….

I believe that there is a miracle in everybody's life, you just got to get out there and find it and I keep telling people: Do not stay in your apartment.

NO.

You know what that is? You open a vial and you put poison into your head and then you close it up. You need to be talking, meet people — stay outside.

Every addiction whether drinking, drugs, eating. You know what they’re called? Diseases of isolation.

THAT IS SOME STORY …

The great biographer, Ted Morgan, said ‘I'm never interested in anybody who’s life trajectory is just upwards. It bores me.’

And me neither. I want to know — how low did you go and what did you do to get up?

Too much success puts me to sleep.

IN THE BEGINNING, WHEN I WAS FIRST WRITING THESE INTERVIEWS, I WAS JUST DOING HAPPY NEWS. AND SOMEWHERE ALONG THE LINE, I REALIZED I HAD TO ASK THESE WOMEN ABOUT WHAT CHANGED THEM — THE CHALLENGES — THE MUCK THEY CLIMBED OUT OF …
Yeah. If you ask a very successful guy, how did you get here, he’ll say, well, I kicked ass and I did this, I did that. Most women will tell you — guess I just got lucky… 

CAN WE CHANGE THAT IN OUR LIFETIME? I THINK THE YOUNGER GENERATION WILL — AND IS …

“One of the sad things that happens to older people: They don’t fantasize any more. I was going to start a thearapy group — a fantasy factory”

DO YOU HAVE ANY DESIRE TO BE 20 AGAIN?
None.

98% OF THE WOMEN I INTERVIEW TELL ME THIS.
My life took off like a bat out of hell from 46 to now. Those early years were kind of horrific.

WOULD YOU SAY YOU’RE A SPIRITUAL PERSON?
You are familiar with the 12 steps?

OH YES. I LIVE NEXT TO THE INFAMOUS PERRY STREET AA HOUSE.
Well, I'm not a believer. I always tell everybody you can get sober and clear without believing in “God.”

OH YEAH, I’VE HEARD: GOD IS A GANG OF DRUNKS …
But for a while I did …. you know, you get very desperate and when you have no money — you grab on to anything — you'll grab on to Marianne Williamson (laughs) … or what’s your sign in astrology …

But there is a magic to AA. You can take people that have been to every kind of therapy. Nothing works. And you stick them in a room with a bunch of drunks and they get it all out.

And I haven't stuck with anything else for 40 years....

WERE YOU MARRIED?
Yeah. For 2 years. Age 30.

SO WHAT IS YOUR PHILOSOPHY ON MARRIAGE?
Women are better off developing themselves and their way of life alone.  Be with a man because you like his company, but have your own life, enjoy your own company, and own your own money.

The minute you go with a man because you need something … it’s over.

DO YOU THINK PARTNERSHIPS CAN BE EQUAL?
I’ve seen so many women who never really develop. ‘My husband wouldn't want me to do this … if I go in that direction, it would end the marriage.’

Even in my two years of marriage this happened. ‘He wouldn’t like this, I have a secret about that, I can’t do this…’

Eventually, you’re gonna rebel.

But I may be a little cynical … (laughs)

PREACH!

SO, DO YOU HAVE ANY REGRETS?
The amount of time I spent worrying and thinking about men — which is what we’re doing now.

OOOPS.

GOT SOME ADVICE FOR YOUNG WOMEN?
Have your own, be your own, do your own.

DID SUCCESS CHANGE FOR YOU AS TIME WENT ON — OR IS SUCCESS JUST SUCCESS?
After all those years in AA, where they tell you you’re a successful person if you don’t drink today — well — it’s a little hard to buy that one. But after my struggles, I don't like to measure success in terms of dollars and cents any more.

ARE YOU THE SAME PERSON THAT YOU WERE AT 30, 40, 50?
No. I don't think anybody is. I don’t want to be. Do we become wiser? I don’t know. There are plenty of stupid older people. I think the important thing is — keep being open.

SO WHAT WOULD YOU SAY IS THE BIGGEST RISK YOU’VE TAKEN IN YOUR LIFE?
I stayed alone.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE REMEMBERED FOR?
For the humor. Being interesting. Being fun. Being generous. I’ll be happy with that.

I THINK YOU’RE A GLORIOUS BROAD. WHAT DOES GLORIOUS MEAN TO YOU?
Glorious Broad is like … Elaine Stritch, Rosalind Russell, Diana Vreeland.

A generosity of spirit.

EXPLAIN THAT TO ME?
When you talk with someone like this, you feel like the most important person. They find you endlessly fascinating. There have been about a half a dozen men like that in my life.

A HALF A DOZEN? MEN THAT YOU LIKE? THAT YOU LOVE?
Love in a different kind of way.

Adlai Stevenson was one them. I could say that name to you because you’ll know who he was. He was that. And I remember a story I read that spoke to me — there was a party one night and Jack Kennedy was standing with journalist, Clayton Fritchey — and there was Adlai, surrounded by a troop of enraptured, beautiful women. Kennedy turns to his friend and says: ‘What the hell does that guy have? He’s fat. He's bald.’ Clayton says: ‘You want to know Jack? You love women. Adlai likes them. They know the difference.’

And he’s right. It’s a certain thing, not just manners …

The way they treat you… not condescending, with interest. With savoir faire.

It’s relaxed. It is sexual. But it's not sexual.

Life enhancing. No matter what you do, you are perfect.

And when I have an encounter with somebody, afterwards I ask myself, do I feel like the same person? Do I feel diminished?

YES.

Or do I feel elevated?

YES.

MORE UPS AND DOWNS

Today is my birthday, and my friend made reservations at Jean-Georges — the meal’s gonna cost $100 each at least. When we got there, the hostess said ‘Oh I couldn’t get you the table you wanted — that’s for VIPs.’

So: Diminished right away. What a stupid thing to say. She should just say: I’m sorry.

Now, if you had been to a Danny Meyer’s restaurant —

UNION SQUARE CAFÉ?
My brother took me there for lunch and I loved it. So I came back. I didn’t know that you needed reservations.

I get down there and there’s this big line, including Christopher Reeve, before the accident, and Bob Abrams, who was running for Senate. This young kid comes over to me and shows me this perfect table that was reserved. He says, ‘Go to the bar, and if they don't show — it's yours.’ I ask: ‘But Christopher Reeves and Bob Abrams are here.’ The young kid said ‘And Liz Friedman. And you are Liz Friedman.’

I LOVE THAT.
After 10 minutes, he says — it’s your table. And we were served like queens.

At the end of this perfect meal, I came up to this kid and — I never do this — but I slipped him five dollars. He puts it back in my hand and said ‘You don’t have to do that — ‘cause I am the owner and my name is Danny Meyers. The best gift you can give me is just keep coming back.’

NOW I LOVE HIM.

He elevated me.

Rules to live by!

THIS WAS SO AMAZING. THANK YOU SO MUCH.

I feel like I did too much talking.

NO WAY. AFTER THIS ENCOUNTER, BELIEVE ME, I AM ELEVATED.

Liz has an instagram account she ignores at lizfriedman2. You’ll find her in Humans of New York Stories and popping up in fashion pages as, yep, the consummate New Yorker.